Mine

There are secret places inside me

Where I go to scream

Where I go to cut out all of the pain

everything unseen

To drain the tears, the blood, the screams

It's crowded in my secret room

With voices, eyes, and teeth

All at once they yell

Voices swirling around around my head

So much anger, so much pain, so much heat 

Secret places inside of me

Where I beg you to give her back to me 

Worth it

It wasn't fair what you did to me  that fateful day
Claiming love just weeks before my wedding day
Begging me to be with you
Cause in your heart you finally knew
I was worth it.
All that time you never said a word
All that time you knew that I was yours
Eight years of hurtful games
Yeah, I still remember all of their stupid names
They were worth it
I still remember how you smelled
Your bony shoulder resting place for my ponytail.
How it changed and stung my nose
I swam with you to your lowest lows
I thought if I gave you love
You'd give up your stupid drugs
If I would've been worth it
Now your words still haunt me
Did you ever really even want me?
What would you have done if I'd gotten on that plane?
Somehow my heart knows things would still be the same.
I'd never be worth it.
You held me in the palm of your hand
Just like Tinkerbell and Peter Pan
Never thought I'd learn to fly
Never thought I'd be strong enough for goodbye
Thought I'd always be around
Thought you could stand me up when I came to town
Thought that someday I'd be yours
Never thought about slamming doors.
I just wanted to be worth it.
I was yours all that time
Right up till I learned to fly
But you were never mine...
No, you were never mine.
And he'll tell you I'm worth it.

more

I will rock you to sleep until you're two
I'll keep singing long after you can hear me anymore
but I will hear you.

I'll throw you lavish birthday parties and make too big of a deal.
It will start when you'll be too young to remember,
but I always will.

I'll spend too much money on Christmas and lost teeth.
And you may not remember what I get you each year,
but I'll remember every single thing.

I'll take a ridiculous amount of pictures and never throw anything away.
And other's will think my hoarding is crazy,
but I'll look at them with wonder someday.

I'll be paranoid and overprotective, examining every single sore.
I'll kiss you three times instead of one.
because I wanted you more.

paul at lagoon

My sweet tears fall like rain
and remind me. . .
You smiled so sweetly.
You lured me in so cunningly,
Knowing my conscience could not compete with you.
Words I longed to hear blew in the wind around you.
Your sun warmed my cold body.
Someone else's Angel fell from Grace that day.
Yet, you made me forget the fall.
And the loss of my sweet innocence,
such a pleasurable thrill.
Seeming like a dream,
I saw blood on the tips of your wings.
You kissed me goodbye,
ever so tenderly.
And bid me goodbye,
Never to see me again.

hunter's new place

Ascending the dark,
despondent stairs,
a nail caught my sweater—
an urgent warning to turn around.
The door was shut
as I neared its unwelcoming frame
Already, the scent of old cigarettes
filled my sorry nostrils.
The kitchen was tiny
and white with heartbreak.
It was lit with just one bulb
and ashes gathered on the blades of the ceiling fan:
the remnants of cigarettes, and days of sunshine
long gone by.
His cupboards were bare . . .
and in his fridge, lay only an empty bottle of steak sauce
Proud in its defeat.
I wondered how long that steak sauce had sustained him
and wondered, “Why couldn’t I?”
I speculated as to how long his stomach had starved
as mine began to ache, and I began to cry.
Depleted cans of beer lay strew about the ground,
their presence much like his,
used till empty
and disregarded
on the floor.

breathe your last breath of me

365 breaths too late
you’ve suddenly realized
what it was you had
you want me now
when just one sigh ago
you weren’t quite sure.
Wait for you,
you say;
you need room for more breaths
time to figure things out.
I am waiting…
I’m waiting for someone
who can’t wait to be with me
and the breath he takes away from me
will be the last breath we take apart
and he’ll see me, right away,
for all that I am:
Everything you could ever want
and everything you’ll always regret

adore me as i adore you

Make me laugh
more than you make me cry.
Be silly with me
but serious at just the right times.
Call when you say you will
and when you don’t say you will too.
Cuddle with me
a lot.
I mean a lot.
Let me buy you silly presents
like action figures from your childhood
Or a pet frog
just because.
Use cute little pet names
and kiss me hello
and goodbye.
Open my doors
and pull out my chairs.
Let me take care of you
when you’re sick
and cook you dinner a lot
and do your laundry
during finals week.
Hold me when I cry
and let me spend the night
if I can’t sleep.
Let me leave lipstick kisses
all over your car and
love notes in your bag.
Send me sweet text messages
and dirty ones that make me blush.
Protect me.
Be jealous.
Make out with me
every time we see each other
but respect me enough to stop.
Play with my hair.
Nuzzle my neck.
Tell me I’m pretty.
Adore me
as I adore you.

to make you love me

The days of winter are ending
and the weeks go by like a train.
Still, the bell is without your voice
and you're driving me insane.

I fear the reason has to do
with the voice you'd hear on the other line.
I know I'm different than the other girls
but baby, isn't that what you're in the market to buy?

Give me a chance to show you
that I'm worth the extra work.
I'm sweet and funny and I snuggle well too.

Give me a chance baby;
I'll be such a good girl!
I'll feel so safe in your arms
while I should be wary of such a precarious thrill.
I will fall for every promise
that lands prematurely on my cheek
and every empty word
that bounces off my hungry teeth.
I will give you my purple heart
and let you bruise and brown a spot
and tread upon it with your feet.
I'll kiss you before I should
and I'll give you more space than you need!
I will tangle my fingers in yours
and myself in your web of deceit.

Please break my heart...
I'll hold you not to blame.
Give me a chance
to make you love me.
Use me as a pawn
in your manly game.