puzzle

sometimes
i still miss the way
we fit together.
you-- two heads taller
than me.
my arm around your waist,
yours around my shoulders...
no space between us
as we'd walk.
(holding hands
put too much space
between us
to bear.)
or
my head in your chest
-- a perfect indentation for my crown.
and my body molding itself
into my nook in your arms.
parts perfectly matching
like puzzle pieces
glazed with the industrial-strength glue
of a first love.

first kiss

Angel kisses, for the first time.
I could laugh, I could cry!
So afraid to put my trust in you,
But so happy to not be able to resist!
I'm laughing at my own helplessness
As I drown in the joy of your kiss' taste,
Just the way you make my heart race!
As I surrender to your divine passion,
I drown and gasp for your touch,
As your lips capture mine.
Then I take flight as your soul caresses me
And you wrap me in your wings,
Pulling me closer still.
And as I entwine myself in you,
I'm drowning and flying still
In the power of your soul.
Slowly, softly you subside,
Softly covering me with your Angel kisses.
Then you wrap me up in your arms,
Holding me tight you whisper "I love you"
And I think my heart will burst,
Sending an explosion of my love for you
Into the sweet early morning air.

anxiety attack

It hurts, the pain beyond you
And the pain because I need you.
Desperately Suffocating
From my own choking, deathly silent screams,
Twisted sheets threaten to strangle me.
And while I'm so consumingly terrified
Of something I can't quite decipher
Part of me pleads with their twisted, crisp, white arms
To take the pain away.
There in the darkness,
I cling despondently to your absence
For a moment I can breathe
And relief whimpers as you hold me and tell me
That its okay, you're there now.
I believe you, always, like always I believe you.
I gasp for hope, sucking it in like air to breathe.
Then realization twists the dagger
As consciousness betrays that it is only
A hopeless attempt to fight the pain
And that I am alone.
I want to cry, to drown myself in the tears;
But not even a sob can escape.

beautiful

Tired eyes,
From loving you.
Cheeks not shiny,
From your gentle touch.
Hair not flat,
From your entwining fingers.
But you still think
That I'm Beautiful.

fireworks

Fireworks
Like brilliant stars,
Exploding
In one, last, great burst.
Then
They die.
How sad.

hopeful toes

Sometimes,
Life gets so tough
That you have to plant your feet
Steadily on the ground,
And walk upright with your head held high,
But with your eyes fixed on your toes. . .
Because your toe-ring,
Says "hope" on it.

i meant it

When I said I couldn't live
without you
I meant it.
Because I'm dying inside.

cry

I find it somehow
Ironic
That a child's
First sign
Of life is a
Cry.

morning

As I fight my blonde hair
In the mornings,
I stare at the girl glaring back at me
And wonder, who she is
And how she got so very far away.

memories

Memories
Like the song of an Angel
She smiles in remembrance,
But weeps with a chorus of
Longing.

once upon a time

I speak cautiously
And I feel her burning stare
What is playing through her mind?
I hang my head in sickening shame.
Then, I wonder what you would say
To lift my chin to the sky.
And then, I can smile again.
Because once, I made your heart smile,
And you loved me.

pain

Can you hear my soul screaming?
Does it wake you in the night?
Can you still feel it when I cry?
Does your head pound for no apparent reason?
Have you tasted the venom of my heart in your teeth?
Can you feel my heart crumbling beneath your feet?

prince charming called

Prince Charming called
So my heart smiled and did cartwheels.
So, I put on my glass slippers,
And my beautiful Cinderella dress.
I spun around in circles,
And made my dress go poof.
I danced around my room,
Even though he wasn't there.
I remembered the ball,
And escaped back to his arms.
Prince Charming called,
So my heart did cartwheels,
And my dress went poof,
I haven't lost my slipper yet. . .
But he thinks my feet are cute.

rooftop

The moon smiles down upon me,
I'm crying again, and she doesn't seem to care.
The stars continue to shine in thier endless darkened sea;
Shining, shimmering, caressing everything with a silver jealous glare.
I sigh at our oh-so-sudden twist of fate;
As the crickets sing my heart to sleep with their same sweet song.
For you, my sweet, my heart contiues to wait.
The sky drinks my salty tears, for in my arms, you belong.

self-worth

I felt your burning stare
That sent my skin crawling
And I even saw that finger
Your whisper. . .so discreet.
So for your convenience
I thought I'd answer all of those questions
That I hope are burning your brains out:
No, I am not high because
Yes, my brain functions superior to that.
No, my mind is just fine-
You should know what I think of you now.
No I am not insane. . .
But I think I'm getting there.
No, I am not deaf,
I hear the taunts too well.
Nor am I a foreign exchange student;
I've been in this position many times before.
No that wasn't a prank phone call and
No this is not a dare. . .
This isn't worth your laughs.
No this isn't a game
Though you seem to think it is.
I'm terribly sick of playing
But roll the dice if you insist.
Yes, well maybe my mouth is full;
Full of unspoken words that could
Tear at your heart too.
But as I turn and walk silently away with
Tears burning my eyes
That I can't let you see and
White knuckles that would
Like to strangle you
I hope it was worth it.
I hope it made you smile.
I hope you found your
Cheap entertainment.
Because the price was high.
Tomorrow I'll forgive you
The hate will fade
Into your words, forever hanging in the air.
But you can't ever see my eyes again
Or hear them laugh
See me breathe
Or feel my smile
Because for all tomorrows
When we encounter
The lump in my throat,
The sting of my eyes,
The fire of my heart,
Will force my feet away,
Away from you and all of the rest of them.
Your faces, names, your circumstance
Are forever etched in a heart
You try to turn to stone
But you won't succeed.
So tell me,
Was it worth it?

slide

I went
running today,
running from insanity.
I stopped at the park and
I slid down the slippery slide
When nobody was looking, and
It felt so good that I smiled, the entire way home.

smile

Smile, Baby,
It won't break you.
(I'll pick up the peices and
put you back together.)
Smile, Baby,
Unlock those soul-confining chains.
(Its my turn to set you free.)
Smile, Baby,
A little sunshine won't burn.
(Just a little.)
Smile, Baby,
Don't be scared.
(I'll hold your hand. . .
I'll hold your hand.)
Smile, Baby,
Smile that smile of yours.
(The one that makes rainbows
on mine.)
Smile, Baby. . .
(I'll cry the tears.)

wild heart

Tonight I'm going to say goodbye.
Tonight I'll break
Your heart.
Take away tomorrow
And leave you with nothing
But yesterday and
Our memories.
Tonight I'm going to break your heart
Because I can't take the deception
My heart is telling my head . . .
Because when you hold me in your arms
I close my eyes too tight
And I lie, In your arms I lie.
I never meant to hurt you
But my wings are beating against
Closed windows,
And I must fly.
You cannot tame my wild heart
But oh, I know you tried.

jekel and hyde

Mascara stained pillows are choked
By the twisted sheets of sleepless nights,
And the muffled sobs scream out for yesterday
Or maybe tomorrow?
And your arms.
No, not you.
You- the arms that hold me.
The fingers: tangled and safe.
Soft, tender, singing voice. . .
These tormented nights miss you.
Not the rigid, forgetful arms
And cold hands that push me away!
Not the foreign, distant, crazy sound:
"Stupid Bitch."
They scream for the want to strangle you
In their twisted, sweaty torture.
And muffled sobs desire to see you
Lying in your brain, twisted and choked-
Your muffled screams they want to hear
From beneath themselves.
Hurt.

rotten

Life has sucked out of me
The sweet nectar in my veins
And has scraped the zest
From my knees
Leaving me bony
And exposed.
My flesh is covered
In spots of bruising.
I am bitter
And require an acquired taste.
I have gone rotten and have spoiled
And I am only eighteen years old.