puzzle

sometimes
i still miss the way
we fit together.
you-- two heads taller
than me.
my arm around your waist,
yours around my shoulders...
no space between us
as we'd walk.
(holding hands
put too much space
between us
to bear.)
or
my head in your chest
-- a perfect indentation for my crown.
and my body molding itself
into my nook in your arms.
parts perfectly matching
like puzzle pieces
glazed with the industrial-strength glue
of a first love.

behind the eyes

You used to call me your Angel,
And sometimes I wonder if my wings
blow our fairy dust dreams
Back to your eyes. Tell me, what do they see?
What do they feel? Is it impossible for you to see
What I can, behind your eyes? Beautiful.
My eyes can see my soul searching, feeling for your hand
because it needs you. Yes, its search is futile, but, oh. . .
How Beautiful is it that You can wrap me in your golden arms
And melt all the pain and fear. . .Forever into your
Cloudless heaven?!
How I crave your angelic relief.
I can still feel you . . . .
Even as the sands of time drip from our ever after glass.
(I can still feel you.)
Tell me, how many grains amount to your love now?
And do you ever wonder why the tear-soaked sea
Still reaches for those sands?
I've painted those tears; one for each year that I can't stop loving you.
But tears are useless, no magical powers,
Like the stars I wish upon that fall from your eyes.
One wish; it’s always the same. Can you hear it in the wind’s whisper?
I wish you'd let me save you. . .please, let me save you!
I can slay those dragons that destroy your golden heart
Let me touch your soul, like you did mine and give back to you
Everything so magical!
If only you'd let me save you!
If only you'd let me show you
What is behind your eyes
I could show you
"Beautiful."

first kiss

Angel kisses, for the first time.
I could laugh, I could cry!
So afraid to put my trust in you,
But so happy to not be able to resist!
I'm laughing at my own helplessness
As I drown in the joy of your kiss' taste,
Just the way you make my heart race!
As I surrender to your divine passion,
I drown and gasp for your touch,
As your lips capture mine.
Then I take flight as your soul caresses me
And you wrap me in your wings,
Pulling me closer still.
And as I entwine myself in you,
I'm drowning and flying still
In the power of your soul.
Slowly, softly you subside,
Softly covering me with your Angel kisses.
Then you wrap me up in your arms,
Holding me tight you whisper "I love you"
And I think my heart will burst,
Sending an explosion of my love for you
Into the sweet early morning air.

anxiety attack

It hurts, the pain beyond you
And the pain because I need you.
Desperately Suffocating
From my own choking, deathly silent screams,
Twisted sheets threaten to strangle me.
And while I'm so consumingly terrified
Of something I can't quite decipher
Part of me pleads with their twisted, crisp, white arms
To take the pain away.
There in the darkness,
I cling despondently to your absence
For a moment I can breathe
And relief whimpers as you hold me and tell me
That its okay, you're there now.
I believe you, always, like always I believe you.
I gasp for hope, sucking it in like air to breathe.
Then realization twists the dagger
As consciousness betrays that it is only
A hopeless attempt to fight the pain
And that I am alone.
I want to cry, to drown myself in the tears;
But not even a sob can escape.

beautiful

Tired eyes,
From loving you.
Cheeks not shiny,
From your gentle touch.
Hair not flat,
From your entwining fingers.
But you still think
That I'm Beautiful.

cinderella slippers

I'm a dreamer I confess, Prince Charming.
I have a pair of Cinderella slippers
Where my dreams take flight.
I lost them on the cliff that was you
When I jumped beyond myself.
Yesterday is missing tomorrow,
Almost as much as I miss you.
Broken heart pieces all over the floor
Prove once more that
Angels fall, without your Grace.
My heart may be battered but
My glass slippers are still intact
Maybe I should wear them with
My Angel wings
And dream to the stars,
Like the ones in your eyes.

don't

I confessed my dreams to him
He promised he'd make them all come true
I confessed my fear of getting hurt to him
He promised he would never hurt me
I thrived upon those promises
And in one single minute,
They were shattered on the floor

Don't make promises you cannot keep
Don't hold me so close
Don't wipe away my tears
Don't you dare say you love me
It hurts too much

Don't kiss me so tenderly
Don't make me so happy
Don't say such sweet things
Don't you dare say you love me
It hurts too much

Don't let me trust you
Don't be so incredibly perfect
Don't whisper sweet nothings in my ear
Don't you dare say you love me
It hurts too much

Don't make me feel beautiful
Don't melt me with your smile
Don't be so understanding
Don't you dare say you love me
It hurts too much

Don't make me fall in love with you
It hurts too much
Don't you dare say you love me
It hurts too much

forever

The jealous June sun set behind the mountains,
Painting the brilliance of our love across the sky.
Your soul took my hand,
And my fingers intertwined with our destinies.
You kissed my heart with an endless, drowning passion.
And you held my soul when it cried.
That moment I fell in love. . .forever

hate

I hate the way you hurt me.
I hate the way my tears burn my eyes.
I hate the way the pressure in my head hurts so much,
I hate that I'm sure a bullet would feel much better.
I hate the way my soul feels like it's screaming.
I hate the way I can't eat, or sleep, or even think.
I hate that my dreams seem insignificant now.
I hate being afraid to trust someone else.
I hate having to tell them I'm not ready yet.
I hate this nothingness inside.
I hate that I'd rather not be alive.
I hate the way I let you control me.
I hate that I feel as if I could never love again.
I hate that I was willing to sacrifice so much to be with you.
I hate it when I feel this way.
I hate that I can't move on,
I hate that you keep coming back to hurt me.
I hate the things you say.
I hate the things you do.
But, what I hate more than anything,
Is that I don't hate you!

i meant it

When I said I couldn't live
without you
I meant it.
Because I'm dying inside.

someday

Your love is like sunshine on a cold winter day,
Like dancing on your tiptoes, barefoot in the rain,
Like when you can't stop laughing
And you can't remember why,
Like when you're so high above the world,
You're certain you could fly.
Love, I want you forever someday.
When you touch me the wind whispers,
And when you smile I see the sunrise.
Your kiss is that of angels,
And in your eyes I see my soul.
Darling, I want you forever someday.
If I had one wish to wish upon the diamond stars,
I'd wish to give this love back to you.
Theres a feeling inside that I want you to know,
You're the one, and I can't let go.
And no matter how hard I try,
I can't say goodbye.
I want you forever someday.

in desperation

In desperation.
give in.
Give up your heart.
In desperation hold me
in your arms.
Hold me till i drain
completely.
and i feel the feeling
you give me.
like fire after cold.
rest after weariness.
Relief, such relief you are!
In desperation let me
bury my face in your chest
And lose myself
in your cloudless heaven.
In desperation bury
your face in my hair and
Cry.
Cry those sugary tears.
let me lift your head
and kiss them away forever
again and again.
In desperation
let me hold you
let me take away your
Vicious Pain.
the poisonous demons that
wrench your beautiful heart.
In desperation
give in
let your heart take rule and
kiss me
Softly
love me
Let me love you.
Let me kiss you.
Let me hold you.
Let me take your torment
away.
Then, look in the mirror.
See through that crystal body
that glistens in the sunlight
and makes rainbows on my smile.
See through to your soul
See what I have seen all along
and whisper
"Beautiful."
And feel desperation no more.

kill me

Harder.
Deeper.
Twist that knife a little more.
Rip it up, Baby.
Go ahead.
Break my heart once again.
Tear it to pieces.
Chew it up.
Spit it out, Baby.
Why don't you
Put out that joint on it?
Go ahead.
Hurt me, Baby.
Hurt me because I love you.
Hurt me because I care.
Hurt me because I haven't given up on you.
Hurt me because I'm the only one who won't.
Go ahead.
Do it again, Baby.
Again.
Go ahead once more.
I'm used to it by now.
Yet it hurts just as bad.
But you don't seem to care.
So, why should I?
Go ahead.
Break it again, Baby.
See how much more
You can kill me!
Kill me!

lacking

Your eyes would shame the heavens
Or make the sun rise.
You smile would woo the world.
How much I miss you,
I cannot describe.
I miss everything about you,
even the parts that made me cry.
I miss us. I miss you. I miss me.
I am missing a part of me.
She's beautiful, happy and alive.
I'm missing her courage, her strength,
her hope, her faith, her genuine laugh,
The sparkle in her eye, the love in her sighs.
I'm missing, the stars in the skies.
I think you have her, you're keeping her with you,
along with my heart, you're keeping her captive.
I had never met her before, until I met you.
You introduced me to her, and we became one.
You bring out the best in me.
I miss you, I miss us, I miss me.

memories

Memories
Like the song of an Angel
She smiles in remembrance,
But weeps with a chorus of
Longing.

missing you

Missing you is just a way of life.
The sun rises in the east,
And sets in the west.
The moon pulls the tide.
The stars fall.
It's just a way of life.
Sand falls from the hour glass.
The world spins round and round.
Trees blossom.
Roses wilt.
Seasons change.
It's just a way of life.
My heart belongs to you.
You never leave my mind.
I'll love you forever.
It's just a way of life.
Missing you has always been,
Just a way of life.
The only difference now,
Is that I wish that you were mine.

moonlit dream

We lay in the bottom of a faded red canoe in each others arms.

I gaze up at the blazing sun descending from the soft array of brilliance,

that is fading away to darkness in the sky.

The stars emerge from the vast sea of black

sparkling like the diamonds in your eyes.

The envious moon shines on the waters

reflecting a beautiful silver light over everything its shadow touches.

I gaze up at you adoringly and you caress my cheek.

Your soft lips press against mine and for a moment I've left this earth.

Then to my disappointment I wake up. . .

and I'm gazing up at silver moon,

shining on the rippling water beneath our faded red canoe,

amongst the sparkling stars in the sky like those in your eyes.

prayers

Do you know,
That every night,
I pray for you?
I pray so hard that I cry.
I beg and I plead,
While the tear drops fall.
Every night for as long as I live,
I pray for you.
I pray that God will keep you safe,
That he will keep you warm,
While I can't hold you in my arms.
I pray that He'll let you know,
That I would hold you if my arms could reach.
I pray that you'll have strength,
And you will have an open heart.
I pray that you will know that you are not alone.
I pray that you'll know He loves you,
And just how much He does,
That you really do have so much worth,
That you really are so beautiful.
I pray that he'll tell you,
Everyone makes mistakes,
And that everyone can change.
I pray that he'll tell you,
How much you've changed my life.
I pray that he'll help me give it back to you,
That you'll reach for me when you need me,
And that I may have the strength to catch you when you fall.
That He will somehow tell you of the measure of my love.
I pray that I'll be strong as I watch you walk the road ahead.
I pray that I'll be guided, to lend you my hand when you need it,
And walk away when I should.
Every night I cry as I plead so fervently.
Every night, I pray.

once upon a time

I speak cautiously
And I feel her burning stare
What is playing through her mind?
I hang my head in sickening shame.
Then, I wonder what you would say
To lift my chin to the sky.
And then, I can smile again.
Because once, I made your heart smile,
And you loved me.

pain

Can you hear my soul screaming?
Does it wake you in the night?
Can you still feel it when I cry?
Does your head pound for no apparent reason?
Have you tasted the venom of my heart in your teeth?
Can you feel my heart crumbling beneath your feet?