hate

I hate the way you hurt me.
I hate the way my tears burn my eyes.
I hate the way the pressure in my head hurts so much,
I hate that I'm sure a bullet would feel much better.
I hate the way my soul feels like it's screaming.
I hate the way I can't eat, or sleep, or even think.
I hate that my dreams seem insignificant now.
I hate being afraid to trust someone else.
I hate having to tell them I'm not ready yet.
I hate this nothingness inside.
I hate that I'd rather not be alive.
I hate the way I let you control me.
I hate that I feel as if I could never love again.
I hate that I was willing to sacrifice so much to be with you.
I hate it when I feel this way.
I hate that I can't move on,
I hate that you keep coming back to hurt me.
I hate the things you say.
I hate the things you do.
But, what I hate more than anything,
Is that I don't hate you!